IRVINE, CA- A slighted environmental scientist for Gary’s Environmental Survey Group claims Taco Bell is solely responsible for global warming.
“It is no surprise that the true beginning of global warming started about the same time when Taco Bell first opened its doors for business in 1962.” reported Udai Ulibarri.
Although no-one is certain when global warming began, Taco Bell did not sell its first franchise until 1964, and didn’t go public until 1969. But, that didn’t seem to deter Udai as he continued to express his findings, “Just think of all the gas-triggering products produced by Taco Bell: the bean burrito, the bean and cheese burrito, the bean tostada, I can just go on and on. When you get a million people consuming these products at the same time, you end up with poor air-quality that has been known to kill birds, insects, plant life, and even unsuspecting humans.”
When asked how Udai’s hypothesis includes water quality and the melting of the polar caps, Udai explained, “Farts are warm. If everyone is farting at the same time, the air becomes warmer. Therefore, the polar ice caps begin to melt, duh.”
We were able to reach Tara Lopez, spokesperson for Taco Bell’s headquarters located in Irvin, California. She replied to Udai’s findings by saying, “These accusations are preposterous! Why is everyone so interested in Taco Bell all of a sudden, anyways? What did we ever do to deserve this kind of rotten publicity? Is it the E. coli issue? Did David Letterman put you up to this? I quit!” She then stormed out of the office, leaving behind a spot of warm, malodorous air. I too, was forced to leave.
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